Dear Skybird,

^^^^^^^ My goofy girl^^^^^^^…. anything for a laugh!!!

Dear child where do I even begin? I find myself writing all of these blog posts in order to update others and to even relieve myself of some of my pain and thoughts….when in reality all I want is to talk to you or talk about you.

I am reminded every second Sky that there just simply are NO words that can ease my heartache and agony over missing and losing you. Everyone has wonderful intentions and want to help but even the words of God/bible are not enough. It’s frustrating to say the least…..I want one statement or word to just change it all but I know that isn’t possible.

Most of your best friends are headed off to college in just a few weeks and I keep imagining the jealousy that you would be exuding! I can just hear you now ” I’m stuck in Bellbrook for another year!!!”  ha!  I know each and every one of them will be taking a piece of you with them, and that makes me smile and ache all at once.

So many things seemed to have changed since you’ve been gone….none of us are the same. I know you’re proud of how we have carried on but thank God you don’t have the ability in heaven to see all the pain that we are in, because I know it would crush you.

I still cant believe this is our reality Sky…..you were there in my arms for a hug and the next thing I know you are gone…..my earth shattered all around me and my heart forever scarred. You knew my fear of accidents and you even held the same fear….it’s all so wrong in so many ways. People lose loved ones every day….but a mother losing her child should not be allowed.

I know you’re with us daily..I see you in so many things…so many unexpected ways…you always know when I need you most…..thank you. Please don’t leave us baby….. we all need you and we all need to see glimpses of you from time to time. I need you in my dreams and I need to feel your hug and hear your laugh.

My memories of you flood over me daily….from the first time I felt you kick to the first time I held your tiny body. I remember all of our trips to Goodale Park and your first trip to the beach. I remember how excited you were to hold your baby sister and how many times I caught you sitting on top of her (ha). I remember your first day of pre school, your first day of kindergarten, your first lose tooth, your first best friend, your first crush, your first boyfriend, your first kiss……..I remember it all Sky and not a moment has been forgotten.

I thank God for saving you at 2 1/2 years old from pericarditis and giving us another 14 years with you after that. I thank God for choosing me to be your mommy.  I trust that He is holding you while I can’t and I trust that you will continue to give me signs so that I feel your presence. Most days I feel as if I’m drowning without you but I have to hold it together for Lexy, Caden and Ash….who I know you love so much.  Give me strength baby girl.

Psalm 139:13-16 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book  before one of them came to be.

I Love You More Skylar Lynn…… I can’t wait to see you again. xoxo

~ Mommy