“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
I have had such a wave of emotions today that I don’t even know where to begin. My day began as usual, with thoughts of Skylar and my heart was so heavy with the sadness of knowing that I will never know my beautiful daughter as an adult….as a mother herself one day. I cried and ached for all the years I’ve lost with her.
I was busy all morning and afternoon with Ashton (a bonding mom and son day for us) and I had no idea of the tragedy in Connecticut until we returned home late afternoon and turned on the TV for the first time. All of us, including 9 year old Ashton, had the same reaction…”Oh dear God what is wrong with this world!?” I suppose I know what is wrong with this world….we live in a sinful, evil world. Thank God in heaven that THIS world is temporary and we have His promise of a perfect eternity.
My heart breaks for these families. For the first time in my life I can feel the TRUE pain that a tragedy such as this can bring. To send your child off and expect them to return to you, but they don’t. Our circumstances are much different but our outcome is the same…..and it’s an outcome I keep praying to God in heaven to please protect others from.
My heart hurts this evening for all of the families and loved ones who are enduring loss from today’s tragedy. Because I know first hand that it doesn’t matter what anyone says to them, or how comforting the words are, NOTHING will ease their pain and suffering. There are mother’s tonight whose entire worlds have just closed in on them and they will never be the same. For them my heart bleeds.
I get so angry with tragedies such as this and not for just the obvious reasons of heart wrenching loss but for the skeptics out there who already question God’s goodness – I fear this gives them one more reason to doubt God’s love for all of us.
My prayers tonight are for the children, families and friends all affected by this senseless act of violence and for the skeptics…please Jesus don’t let this be another reason for them to doubt you and turn their backs to you. We need you now.
And for my sweet Sky, Soph and Juls…. I know you welcomed those children into your arms today and hugged them and laughed with them and played with them. I have no doubt that you took them by the hands and showed them around their new beautiful forever home.
Love you more Skylar Lynn……
Kelli,
I have attached a poem that I have always loved. I don’t know if I will ever understand a child being taken way to early, but this poem does explain a little. I hope you know what an impact this blog has on so many people, you are stronger than you think. Prayers and thoughts sent your way everyday.
A Child Of Mine by Edgar Albert Guest, 1930
I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while she lives,
And mourn for when she’s dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call her back,
Take care of her for Me?
She’ll bring her charms to gladden you,
And should her stay be brief.
You’ll have her lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I’ve looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give her all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take her home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
‘Dear Lord, Thy will be done!’
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we’ll run.
We’ll shelter her with tenderness,
We’ll love her while we may,
And for the happiness we’ve known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for her,
Much sooner than we’ve planned.
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.
thank you Paula, I love that poem too.
Thank you for sharing from your heart and becoming transparent and vulnerable so that your words can comfort others and show God’s love for them through sorrow and pain. May God bless you as you are on a journey now that you would have never chosen for yourself or others. He will someday make things perfect and you will be reunited with your daughter again.