In honor of social media’s “Throwback Thursday” I had to post this pic of my girls and the love and bond they have for one another.
Here we all sit 8 months later….wounds are just as painful and the sadness hasn’t waned but I’m here and I’m breathing and I’m attempting to live, that’s the best I’ve got for now. I’m asked often these days if the days are any easier, if I’m getting any relief, if the pain is any less……the answer is always the same, “not really”. Unfortunately I am just having to LEARN to live without her and each day is a new day and learning experience within itself. I’m amazed what the human mind is capable of doing with prayer and support from loved ones……never dreamt I would make it this far.
Most of my mornings alone are spent crying for Sky and missing her so badly that I want to just rip my hair out but it never fails after just a few moments I feel a peace and I hear her voice and I see her smile……and my tears stop. I can’t explain it but I assume it’s a peace of knowing that she is with me, always…. I used to think that was just a saying when I would hear people say that but I know its truth because I feel her and it’s always the most perfect timing.
I stood in my kitchen this morning and I stared at the photos I have hanging up of Sky, Soph and Jules and I stood there in disbelief that they are gone from this earth. I looked at their smiling faces and I could hear each of their laughs and I just wanted to scream “WHY?!” But instead I smiled back at all of them and reminded myself yet again that they are right where they are meant to be…waiting on all of us to join them. Waiting for us in paradise where time means nothing….. a place where there is no pain, no suffering, no tears, no wants, no sadness…..but instead pure joy and love. Yes, I’m selfish and I WANT these girls back here with all of us, to love and to hold, but as a mother how can I be sad that my child is safe and happy for eternity? These are the thoughts and faith that keep me breathing each day, keep me living and keep me loving. And without a doubt the thoughts that keep me wanting to be the best that I can be in honor of them and so that I can see them all again.
I leave you with a verse I have posted before…it is my absolute favorite verse and it is etched on Skylar’s memorial stone….
John 16:22 Now is your time of sorrow, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.
I love you more Sky, Soph and Jules.
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