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Seasons

Posted on September 4, 2013

 

Sky&Soph

I could literally look at photos and videos of the girls all day long…. these images above of Sky & Soph warm my heart; this was them in all their innocence and glory…best buds out to make you laugh and smile.

September 4, 2013…….10 LONG months without the presence of 3 beautiful girls; 10 long months without a huge chunk of my soul; 10 months of agony; 10 months of pain; 10 months learning how to survive; 10 months too long.

It’s not that every single day without them isn’t a reminder itself but certainly the 4th of every month is the day that I really feel I can reach out to every one and ask them to remember and to pray and to reminisce. That dreadful 4th….where if I count back just far enough everything was exactly as it should be, my world was complete, my heart had yet to be shattered, 3 angels were still among us.

I had a rough Labor Day as I reflected over the last almost 10 months and realized that another season had come and gone without Skylar by our side. I started thinking of my life left here as seasons and how many more seasons until I get to see my baby again…how many more seasons until I feel just a semblance of myself again…how many more seasons until I can breathe without pain…how many more seasons…….?

With every season that passes it is that much further from the last time I hugged her…that much further from everyone’s memories of her……

I’m afraid for everyone else’s pain to subside and for their hurt to lessen…. if it doesn’t hurt does that mean they have forgotten them?  Oh, the worries of a broken momma.

I know that my baby’s death is not the end of her existence but rather the beginning of her eternal life. I also know that this tragedy and their deaths does not define their legacy on this earth….these angels were so much more than their tragic accident. I will fight for as long as I have in me to remind others of this.

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“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, put me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.” A.A. Milne

“Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. She is breathing, but she is dying. She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. She smiles, but her heart sobs. She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once. She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.”

A Quote from Skylar’s Favorite Movie: The Notebook: “In times of sorrow I will hold you and rock you and take your grief and make it my own. When you cry I cry and when you hurt I hurt. And together we will try to hold back the floods of tears and despair and make it through the potholed streets of life.”

“Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.” Sarah Dessen

“And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me. Shine until tomorrow, let it be.” – The Beatles

I Love You More sweet Sky, Soph & Jules  XOXO

 

4 Comments

  1. Every night before I sleep I pray for all the ones affected by this tragedy. I pray especially for you though because reading your blog makes my heart shatter. I pray that you never ever forget the sound of skylars voice and that she comes to you in good dreams as many times as she can. I also pray that God blesses you with a sense of peace and happiness in knowing your baby is where she belongs and not in this terrible world. I dont know what it feels like to lose a child (because I’m only 16) so all I can do to help you is pray. I know no advice will bring anyone back but just know it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to cry and to wish for skylar back. Those three girls did everything right that night of the accident. They didnt drink and drive like so many teens do and I question why God still took them. It isn’t fair to you or anyone else. This story has changed a lot of people and I know skylar would be so proud. You deserve to be happy. When people say unnecessarily rude things about you to lexy it enrages me. You have every right to be happy. Do whatever it is you need to do to bring life back in your life. You are the ideal mother and I pray for your children every night as well. You are doing such a tremendous job raising them. Skylar seemed like she was such a good, smart, beautiful and respectable girl. She seemed as if she had a good head on her shoulders. I’m sorry if this made you upset in any way but I have just been thinking about your family a lot. I do not know any of you but I will continue to pray for you all every night. God bless.

    • thank you xo

  2. As a mother I have been blessed beyond measure and cannot even imagine the loss you must feel daily. But I’ve lived long enough to know that our losses do not have to define us. No more than our successes or possessions do. It is what is left behind when we are gone that really says who we are. Skylark was a beautiful girl inside & out. Your remembrance of her life and your devotion to her memory is the very best way to honor the wonderful young girl that she is as well as the friends she loved.
    Many more seasons will pass before you see Skylark again. Just remember until then that you are so much more than the heartbreak that this loss has brought you. What defines you and your life will be your legacy of love. Not only your love for Sky but that for Lexy. Kaden and Ashton. For you will live on in their lives…just as Skylark does. I will continue to keep you all in my prayers.

  3. As always, God gives you the insight to write your beautiful thoughts down for all of us to see. I miss the Holidays when we would be camping and the grandkids would be together for the 1st and last swim of the year. It was especially hard going to St. Mary’s this year and seeing the tire on the playground where grandpa took a picture of Sky when she was little with her friend Josie. It just brought the tears and also the smiles remembering our “lunch lady” as Sky would say to grandpa. She will always be remembered in the hearts of all who knew and loved her. I love and pray for you and Lexy, Caden and Ashton each and everyday.

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