I am asked often and frequently for advice about grieving. I hate this and I love it. I hate that other mothers are in the same club that I am in, and I hate that I have first hand knowledge of this horrifying pain. However, I love that I can use my heartbreak and tragedy for something good…. helping others. It helps to bring me purpose, and a small inkling of healing, knowing that Sky’s death was not in vain.
I will never pretend to have the answers or magic words ….but what I promise is that I will always be honest and forthright. I know how it feels to be all alone in your grief…this doesn’t mean that you don’t have love and support from friends or family, but ultimately the grieving road you walk is yours and yours alone.
When Skylar was killed tragically I didn’t have anyone to turn to that had been in a similar situation as myself. I knew for sure I did not want to talk with someone who had lost their grandma or aunt etc., that is said with no disrespect. What I needed was a mom who had been thrust into the pits of hell like I had been. One minute everything was perfect and in a split second the world as I knew it had imploded in front of my very eyes. I needed to talk to someone who would tell me it will hurt like hell FOREVER, but that I WILL survive…. with faith from above and a strong network.
One of the very first things that I tell a newly grieving mother is this: Pray, and keep your circle tight. The early stages of grief are no time for fringe friends, bandwagon or funeral chasing friends. If you’ve stood where I stand, then you know exactly what I mean.
Will told this story at Skylar’s funeral and it has stuck with me ever since.
Will and 3 friends had been playing basketball at a park near our house, when the 4 of them had the brilliant idea of pranking the easily, gullible Skylar. Will called Skylar and told her a fight had broke out at the park and they thought they killed a guy in the process. Skylar of course is freaking out and tells them to hurry up and come over. The boys get to our house, Sky opens the garage door and lets them pull inside. They tell her the body is in the trunk (and of course one of the boys was curled up in there for the full effect). They lift the trunk and Sky looks at the time and says – “guys we have to hurry my mom will be home in 30 mins!”
When I think of the friends that I WANT and NEED in my life from this day forward – they sure as hell better be just like Skylar – willing to hide a body for me! That sounds morbid I’m sure to some of you – but I hope you see the bigger picture. Sky was the type of friend that we should all strive to be and all strive to have. If you are a grieving mother (parent) you can NOT settle for less, or you will never make it on this life-long journey of grief. Find a friend (s) that will hide the body for you.
** Since my last posting we hosted our annual Birthday Party Fundraiser for Skylar and on May 24th, 2017 we were able to award 5 more graduating Bellbrook seniors with $1,000 (each) scholarships in Sky’s honor. We have now gifted over $25,000 in Skylar’s name. Thank you to each and every one of you for your continue love and support.