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One Day at a Time

Posted on November 28, 2012

I’m sitting here this afternoon feeling at a loss for words. I have so many thoughts and feelings that run through my mind continually,  but when I sat to type today,  I have one thought that just keeps coming to the surface. November 4, 2012 was not the day that my daughter and her friends died, it is the date that should be remembered as the birth of their new everlasting life; their new birth date. My mind is blown hourly that I (and the other families involved) am making the types of decisions that I have had to make in the last 24 days. My mind is blown that tomorrow Skylar’s dad and myself are going to look at headstones for our oldest baby. My mind simply won’t wrap itself around the finality of her life ending on this earth;  call it a survival mechanism, call it God. Tate and Zack told us the story that just seconds after the crash there was an unusually bright light that filled up the entire cab of the truck; we are all comforted in knowing that that was our God coming for these 3 beautiful souls, to take them home.  I’ve told many of you that I am haunted by so many aspects of this horrific accident and no mother (or parent) should ever have to endure what we have and my heart has always broken for those that have (even before this accident).  I’m haunted by the 3 men at my door in the middle of the night and the softness in their eyes and voice as they asked to be let inside.  I’m haunted by them asking to see a photo of Skylar and my brain not working with my hands to even know how to work my phone to show them. I’m haunted by them telling me that it wasn’t just my baby that was killed but when they named Skylar’s best friend Sophie and my Lexy’s best friend Julianna, my world seemed to come crashing in on me. I am living my worst absolute nightmare. I have text messages that I will post on here in coming days between Skylar and myself that are dated November 1st and we are discussing my fear of car accidents and my kids.  It’s eerie for me to read them knowing just 3 days later my daughter was one of those statistics.  At times I feel like I am living some sad lifetime movie or reading a fiction novel; the impact this has had on our community and ourselves personally is overwhelming to say the least. No parent should have to bury a child, but the tragedy and suddenness and 3 lives lost in a split second, is at times unbearable and I simply can’t even make myself get out of bed to start my day. I TRUST and have FAITH that God has these beautiful souls by His side and our time on earth is so very temporary, and we WILL be reunited again……however, this does not ease my pain of hurt, sadness, loneliness and yes even anger. I was telling a good friend last night that I’ve always hoped to live to a ripe old age and watch all of my children grow old as well. I am now ready for this life and world to be over;  this world is so cruel and unfair that I am ready for Jesus to take all of his children home. I don’t want to live another 50 years on this earth without my Sky-bird by my side….my mind won’t even let me fathom a year without her let alone 50.   My prayer for each and every one of you is that you live your lives so that you see these 3 beautiful girls again, make each day count and never ever forget them.  They loved life and their friends and families so much that they deserve to be remembered each and every day. They left a huge footprint in the short time they were all here and I’ve seen lives changed dramatically in the last 24 days, including my own. I have more love in my heart than I can even explain, in a time that I should be filled with resentment, anger and bitterness, I see myself looking at everything differently and I mean everything.  I always told people that Skylar and I were so much alike it was scary — our personalities are eerily similar. The connection and closeness that Skylar and I had is what my heart and soul is crying for right now. I find myself starting to text her something so funny or something that she would typically be the first person I’d tell and then quickly realize I can no longer do that. But what I can do is live my life in honor of her (and Soph and Juls)  EVERY single day.  Skylar had so much love in her heart for her friends and Skylar had friends from ALL walks of life. She was not your typical 16 year old girl that has to be with the “in or cool” crowd; she literally had friends of all colors, races, economic backgrounds, ages, sex etc.  She inspires me to be the same way.  Love you more baby girl.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:5

 

10 Comments

  1. I know that the day Skylar stepped into Tyler’s life she always had a special place in his heart. I’m so glad he got to spend every moment he did with her! Even the open container incident :). I am amazed at what a strong women you are. Your families are in my thoughts daily and your words are beautiful.

  2. Beautifuly put Kelli. I just wanted you to know that I think of you and your family every day. I will continue to think and pray for all of you! Your words touched me and gave me goosies. Xoxo!!

  3. As I read through your beautiful and heartfelt words, I simply can not even come close to fathom the loss of your beautiful Skylar, and her friends. I wish there were some words or some saying that could comfort you, but as you have written in all of your posts, GOD is the only One that can comfort you. May you find peace and comfort in this time of sorrow from Him. I hope that you all know that I have and will continue to pray for all the families involved.

  4. You have always had a way with words… Your Sky is blessed to have such an amazing mom and we are all blessed to have known her. You truly have such a grace that leaves so many of us in awe… I love you girl keep posting it helps us all. Xoxo

  5. I am honored to have my Lexy share a birthday with Skylar.Know that every year we will honor her and send her ballons up to heaven in her honor. Always remembered,Never forgotten. I agree u should write a book.

  6. Kelli, I marvel at your faith in the midst of your incredible pain. I always knew you were a strong woman, never conforming but being your own person…another way Skylar was so much like you. Your honesty is as beautiful as you are inside and out!! I LOVE YOU and pray for you every day~xoxo

  7. Kel, thanks for reminding me once again how wonderful you are and life is xo. Sky, you have an amazing mom, amazing 🙂

  8. I love you Kel. This is amazing! Why stop at a blog? Maybe you should write a book. 🙂 I know in my heart that Sky, Sophie and Julianna are at peace. Forever young and beautiful. I can’t wait to see Skylar again.

  9. WOW…. this is BEAUTIFUL… I can’t read your posts or blog without crying….

  10. Sweet Pea, So beautifully written. You are my heart and I love you. Sky will always be here with us in spirit and memories we have will remain strong until we all meet together in heaven!

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