The start of a brand new year is typically ushered in with celebrations, hopes, dreams, resolutions and goals for the upcoming year ahead. Mine as you can well imagine, was brought in with an enormous mound of grief and sadness. I thought a lot about the years past and even some of the great memories of 2012. However, my mind quickly zoomed to November 4th…..the day my world stopped turning. I look at these 3 girls and my heart aches. I have this continual knot in my stomach and lump in my throat, and I wish, from my lips to Gods ears, that I could turn back time…if only for a moment.
My heart is heavy tonight for everyone that is missing Sky, Soph and Julianna. I am angry that my kids have lost their sister and angry that to our earthly minds, none of this makes sense. I am trying to find the good and the purpose in this loss, because all that I see right now is a mother who can hardly function, whose entire world has been ripped from her arms; a mother who is watching her children suffer and young friends of our girls suffer….I have great faith in God but man oh man am I struggling.
I thought a lot today about when people make new years resolutions and how silly they are because 9 times out of 10 you set unrealistic goals. I have set ONE goal for my life and that is TO MAKE IT COUNT. God gives us one shot on this earth and as we have seen with our 3 angels, life is gone in moment and often times without warning. Make yours count! I want what I do every day to make a difference in either my own life, the lives of my children or the lives of others. I’m going to make it count – for my Skybird and for Soph and Julianna.
I read an amazing devotion today and I would like to share it with you. (from the book: Jesus Today)
Though I bring grief, I will show compassion. So do not despair when hard times come your way, and do not try to escape them prematurely. Timing is MY prerogative! There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Grief is a season, and I use it for your good.
Unlike the four seasons of the year, the seasons of your life are not orderly or predictable. When you are grieving, you may feel as if sorrow will accompany you the rest of your days. But remember that I have promised to show you compassion. So great is MY unfailing love for you!
When you are suffering, search for signs of My merciful presence. Even during your darkest days, streaks of light break through the storm clouds – providing hope and comfort. My unfailing love shines upon you always. Look up to Me and see My face shining down upon you. I never run out of compassions. They are new every morning.
Though the Lord brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
The Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you. Numbers 6:25
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I hope in Him!” Lamentations 3:22-24
Why am I always still so amazed when God brings me the perfect message in my time of need? He promised never to leave me or forsake me, yet each and every time I feel myself in awe of his goodness.
My days of missing Skylar will never end, my pain will never cease, my questions will go unanswered in this lifetime and my anger will come unexpectedly….. but in the end God’s promises will remain and he will hold my hand, guide my heart and pick me up when I fall.
“Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark” George Iles
I love you more Skylar Lynn……