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Living Amidst the Grief

Posted on August 5, 2013

 

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In the past 9 months  I have heard every bit of advice that I am sure a person can hear when dealing with the death of a child…..most of it is useless, although said with good intentions and mostly with love, still pointless. I saw the quote above and felt compelled to post it, as it is oh so true.

As a mother I have worried about one of my children getting hurt, or sick or God forbid dying, since the moment I was pregnant with each of them. I could certainly imagine what it would be like to deal with a tragedy and I lived in fear that any of those worries would become a reality.  What I didn’t fully realize is that the fear and the actual pain are VERY different…..the pain is a pain that never ends, has no true definition and is deeper than one can wrap their mind around unless one has experienced it first hand. There is no cure, there are no magic words, there is no fix….the pain just simply is. And quite frankly for lack of any other definition or example it is hell on earth, it is pure torture, it is a testing of faith, and hope, and patience……it feels as if your heart and soul have been ripped from your chest and  discarded without a care in the world. There is NO relief from the pain….NONE…ZERO.

What there is, are pockets of hope. Small pockets in time when you see your other children smile and hear their laughter and you remember why you have to go on. It’s a hug from a friend, an encouraging word from a loved one, a smile from a stranger. It’s a sign from 3 angels telling me they are okay, it’s the constant reminders that Sky is right by our side, daily.

I’m writing this today hoping that we are ALL reminded that grief has no time limit, it comes with no rule book and it certainly doesn’t come with directions. Be careful when you find yourself judging others,  because I promise you as the sky is blue, you do NOT EVER want to walk this path that I and way way way too many others are on. Do not judge how one feels they need to grieve, do not judge the timing of how long their darkest days may last……do not judge. As the old saying goes, we all have a story to tell and until you’ve lived mine, do not judge me.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted

I Love You More Skylar Lynn……

4 Comments

  1. I’ve never officially met you Kelli; but I think about you all the time. I cannot fathom being able to survive the death of my child. I only have one and he IS my life. I understand that for you it isn’t an option to not keep going, since you have three others who need you. Your honesty in this blog is powerful; and the fact that you have held onto your faith is amazing. You are enduring the worst pain a human being can experience. I admire your strength; and I continue to pray for you as I know your pain will continue. I’m thankful for every sign you receive from Sky and the girls, letting you know you will see them again someday.

  2. love you Sis !

  3. Praying for you always.

  4. Yes..the pain doesn’t go away ever…but as the years go by those pockets of time without pain that you mention slowly stretch. You may find yourself feeling guilty when you realize that for a moment you have not thought about Sky… I think that is normal and will change over the years.

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