Lexy is just days away from her 16th birthday and duplicating this very same photo that I took of Sky just 2 years ago. What a bittersweet feeling for me. I am so happy and proud of my Lexy Lou-Lou and of course scared as well; but also so very sad that Sky isn’t here to celebrate alongside of her. Truly the words escape me or maybe they don’t even exist…..I just can’t seem to articulate the emotions that I am feeling.
Of course just 20 days after Lexy’s birthday it will be Skylar’s 18th birthday…..I’m not even ready to share my feelings on that yet. I feel God trying to protect and cushion me from the emotions that I will feel on that day.
I’ve reflected a lot lately on what the last (almost) 16 months have held for all of us that have lost a chunk of ourselves. Lots and lots of “groundhog days” of course. Days that hold much of the same; tears, pain, questions, weariness, loneliness, anger, exhaustion, despair, brokenness…..you get the picture. I mentioned the other day in a Facebook posting about “smoke & mirrors”. I think any of us that have experienced this level of pain and loss have learned to play the part of doing “okay”…simply because we have no other choice. What I have learned in my reflection, and I am sure I have probably written on it before, is the importance of love. What I mean is, surrounding yourself in a constant circle of love. There is simply no other way to survive this emotionally debilitating, life changing tragedy without the love from others. That may seem so simple and logical and you may even be thinking “well, no duh Kelli.” However, I challenge you to look around and really “see” who you have by your side. I’ve always prided myself on being a very good judge of character, albeit too trusting and forgiving at times, but I’m pretty “on it” in terms of knowing who is genuine and who isn’t. Never in my life has the importance of love, support and friendship been more important. When you are living out your hell on earth you NO longer have time for “fringe friends”, drama or lack of insincerity. Again, may sound like a “duh statement” but it’s so important.
Having said all of this I love my circle. I love my faithful friends. I love my family. I love my boyfriend. I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed each day without each and every one of them encouraging me, praying for me and cheering me on. Until you have experienced a loss such that we have (and I pray you never do!) there isn’t an explanation on earth that can hold a candle to how this actually feels. As discouraged as I get many days I also have to applaud myself (and others!) that get up every morning and keep on keepin’ on, as I like to say. Because trust me, I have moments where giving up sounds okay with me.
“Thank you” doesn’t seem like adequate words but it’s all I have right now…so thank you. This is a journey that will never end….not until I am on the other side with my angel…..I hope all my friends know that I need them for the long haul. 😉
I pray every day for others just like me that find themselves thrown into this unbearable position of loss and sadness…… speaking for myself, it doesn’t get any easier it just becomes part of who we are.
1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
John 13:34-35 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.
I have a few events set up in the month of March in celebration of my angel’s 18th birthday. All proceeds from these events directly support Sky’s Scholarship Fund for Bellbrook graduating seniors.
March 11th – Eat at Elsa’s (1216 E Stroop Rd Kettering) anytime between 11am -11pm and tell them you are eating there in honor of Skylar. A percentage of all FOOD (not alcohol ) sales will go to Sky’s fund.
March 22nd – Join us at Soft Rock Cafe (21 & over event) (877 E Franklin St Centerville) 7:30pm – 1:30am for a huge celebration of her short life! Live music, amazing raffle prizes (and I mean amazing) and a lot of fun!
March 25th – Eat at Buffalo Wild Wings (Bellbrook or Kettering Location) 11am – 11pm and tell them you are eating in honor of Skylar (flyer to print is on the FB event page). This date is her ACTUAL 18th birthday.
SAVE THE DATE: Sunday August 24th – 5k Run in Bellbrook. “Sky’s the Limit” memorial run.