What I wouldn’t give to re-live this day pictured above…what I wouldn’t give…..

I didn’t think I was going to write again until Sky’s birthday. This month has been emotional for several reasons and I just didn’t have it in me to share publicly. However, sometimes God has different plans. Too many things have transpired this month and I felt a strong urge to share and hopefully encourage a few.

We had our first event for Sky’s birthday month on Tuesday evening at a local restaurant (thank you to all who supported). No one could possibly even know how painful it was for me and that’s understandable. But it does warm my heart that people care and think of her. One of Sky’s best friends showed up and she had something for me. While going through the archive room at the High School she came across several large envelopes with school work enclosed of graduating seniors…school work from middle school. Dina could not find her own envelope but sitting there staring at her was Sky’s work. She handed that to me and I opened it to see Sky’s beautiful handwriting and several of her awesome short stories as well. The flood works began but it didn’t take me long to realize that was no coincidence. Skylar was letting me know that she was with me and that I would make it through this first event.

It is also no coincidence that Ohio (like most of the country) has had the worst winter on the books (at least in my memory) and the day of Sky’s event it was 65 degrees and sunny. Mind you it snowed the very next day.

I came home from work this week to find a book in the mail for me from a friend. A book about grieving and healing. I put it in my purse and planned to look at it later this week. I went over to a friend’s last night and that very book sat on her kitchen island. I said ” Funny, I have that book. A friend just sent it to me.”  She said “that is for you, from the author. She signed it and wants you to have it.” I said,well that means that I am suppose to give this other one to someone else….”

I recently met a new friend from out-of-state on Facebook and she lost her niece suddenly and tragically this week. I’ve read through her posts and have felt her grief and pain. I knew today without a doubt that she is the one I am suppose to share this book with.

Lastly, I had a missed call from a friend last night. She is actually the mom of one of Sky’s friends. I listened to her voice mail before I went to bed and in a nutshell she thanked me for a mother that she recently met who lost her son 1 year ago yesterday. This mother reads my blog and she wanted to thank me for writing it.

Skylar and God continue to amaze me and remind me.  Remind me that I am never alone and that God is using Sky’s tragedy and death for great things. Things that I am not even aware of and may never be.

I’m selfish….I want her back. I’m greedy…I wasn’t ready to share her.  But I’m also full of faith and trust. I know God has her and will keep her until I make it to the other side with her.

I love you more Skylar Lynn………missing you every second of every day.

5 thoughts on “Signs

  1. Thank you. I can’t think of how to say how that made me feel. I know where some stuff is that Jul wrote to me, but I can’t ever see it… So true about the signs! Something Christa says and I am back to the exact moment that Jul and I had been in the almost same situation. She had said things to me that her sister is saying to me now. “Mom, quit biting your nails!” was one just recently. Jul used to say those exact words to me. Until I finally quit biting them too. For her. All because she wanted me to. I was so excited to tell her! Bob and I were in Florida at the time and we were driving to get Jul and Jenna so we could bring them back to Florida with us for the entire month of October. What I wouldn’t give just to relive October 2006 with them again. She was so proud of me. Needless to say, I am obviously biting them again. Nasty habit. Been biting them again for one year and four months. Maybe 3 months, reality didn’t set in quickly. I didn’t want it to be true. I am selfish also. Don’t feel bad about being selfish. We are only human and they meant the world. God bless you and give you strength and peace. You are on my mind and my kids and I pray for you and your family daily. “God bless Mommy, Christa, Jacob, Jenna, & Julianna and her friends who are with Jesus, and her friends family…” From the mouths of babes… Keep your head up! You are a very strong willed woman! You are an inspiration to so many! God and 3 awesome Angels have your back! Along with many other people!

  2. I lost my beautiful son March 13th 2013. Prior to his death my heart ached for you. I could not imagine what it was like for you. I know now.
    Thank you for helping me through a life changing event. Peace be with you and your family.

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