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How do I say goodbye?

Posted on December 11, 2012

I’ve had so many thoughts in the last few days on how I say goodbye to my firstborn child. I know it’s not truly goodbye, but in this lifetime it is.  How do I say goodbye to a child that wasn’t sick, wasn’t suffering and who had so much more to give? From the bottom of my heart I thank every single one of you for your words of encouragement and reminders that Sky is so very happy where she is; but what do I do with this pain that I hold inside of me while I miss a daughter I was not ready to give back?

I keep searching my bible for scriptures that will help me and crying out to my God that I know has the only comforting touch that can possibly carry me through…..and while I find some momentary peace and happiness knowing that my Sky is forever safe…… the feeling doesn’t last long enough to give me rest.  Although our time on this earth is short in comparison to where our real home awaits, eternity with our Father, each second on this earth that passes without Skylar feels like an eternity. This is my biggest struggle, time seems to be standing still.

I struggle every day with those around me whose lives are carrying on, knowing that all of us deeply affected by this tragedy will never ever be the same. I said it before on my FB page and perhaps even in one of my previous blog postings, I feel so often as if there is a time cap on how long I am allowed to grieve.  I know as I sit here this afternoon, I will never be the same again and my grief will continue until the day I am reunited with my Skylar. This is not reflective of not trusting in my God, I know His plan will be revealed to me one day, but it IS reflective of a mother so brokenhearted that moving forward seems virtually impossible.

I pray that our 3 angels are smiling down on us and seeing just how enormous of an impact they have had on so many people.

God grant us strength and peace to carry on and wisdom to fulfill our purpose for you.  Amen.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

3 Comments

  1. Kelly, I read your blog every time your post. I found this website that you may find comforting. Love to you and your family….l
    http://www.lossofachild.org/

  2. Hello,
    Your pain is in my heart. My son Kirk was in a car accident Jan. 24, 2002. He survived the crash and lived another three years and then unexpectedly on August 5, 2005 his brain stopped and he died he was 26 years old. I was out of town 3 hours away visiting my Mother when the phone call came from my husband. The pain felt like a sucker punch to my throat and another punch to my stomach. I had never felt pain on that level. I soon new what the definition of “wailing” means in the Bible when frightning sounds and noises came from my mouth. The gut wrenching sadness would drain me day by day. Kirks pillows were wrapped in plastic under my bed and on my worst days I would open them and hug them as tightly as I could and pray he would come back to me. When the cemetary called and said the gravemarker had been placed I was anxious to go and see it. But the pain of actually seeing it “written in stone” was almost more than I could bare. It was one of my darkest days. God has been my source for comfort and relief. It’s a long hard journey. Open up to others and let them walk with you. Your blog is a wonderful way to keep your daughter’s memory alive. I am here for you if you need me. May God bless you and your family.

  3. No eye has seen nor mind can conceive what the lord has prepared for those who love him…………I love you Kell xo

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