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I sat down in these wee hours thinking I was going to write about one thing and as I sat here and let my thoughts sort themselves out, I learned real quick that God was pushing me in a different direction.
I’ve read a lot on forgiveness lately and am thankful that I have always been someone who believed that forgiveness is a gift to ourselves and not to the one you are forgiving…we do it to set ourselves free. But I also firmly believe that as a “believer” God commands us to forgive others, who am I to argue with God?
There are 3 simple principles that I refer to when I’m asking “why must I forgive?!”
1. God Commands it: When Peter asked Jesus how many times he must forgive his brother when they sin against him, Jesus’ answer was clear…. “Seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21-22
2. God’s Example: “I, even I, who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Isaiah 43:25
3. God’s Power: Yes, God does ask us to sometimes do what seems impossible…even forgiving those that we have no idea how we will. He asks us knowing that we can do it with His power and love. “Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14
Verse 13 gets me every time…”forgive as I forgave you”…..God forgave ME so that I can spend eternity in heaven with him and my precious Skylar, who I miss so much. How can I make a good argument to God about forgiveness when I read a verse like that?
I’m writing this for all of you who follow my blog and journey, so that you know, I have chosen to forgive the young man who was driving the night Skylar was killed. He was a friend of Skylar’s and it was an accident. I could sit here for years and hate him and blame him and scream “why her and not him?!” But why stop at him, if I’m going to blame him I might as well blame God, as he really holds all the power, right? And at the end of all of this blaming and unforgiving what am I left with? Has Skylar been safely returned to my side and the past erased?
I choose to forgive, just as God forgave me and continues to forgive me daily as I sin and just as my Skylar would want me to. Those 2 reasons are good enough for me.
I choose to remember Sky’s life and celebrate her and to not make her tragic death all that she was. I’m reminded every second that I continue to breathe in this cruel world, that she is protected, healthy, happy and safe for eternity – what better gift could I wish for this Christmas? Yes, I miss my baby beyond words, there aren’t even words that exist for the pain I feel from missing her; but she is in the arms of Jesus forevermore and no one can ever harm her again. I can not wait to be where she is, and until then my life will be reflective of the love I have for her. I will live my life in her honor and I will make her proud.
I’m trying to learn to walk again without my legs. Losing a child is losing a part of yourself. Notice I didn’t say “it’s like losing a part of yourself”, because it truly IS losing a part. So each day my journey continues, one painful step at a time. However, I have the promise from God that “ALL things work together for good, to those who love him and to those who are called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28
Thank you God for the reminder and promise that YOUR purpose is bigger and better than mine, and that someday it will all be reveled to us. Take care of my baby girl. You know the love that I have for her and you know the depth of my pain, use me as a light and give me purpose amidst this tragedy.
I love you more my sweet angel……
Dear Kelly, Kim Jone’s mom here…. My prayers are with you and I feel relieved that your thoughts and trust have been put in OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN. I know you will have a rough road as I did and sometimes still do espesially at Christmas, but God is faithful to those who believe and He has made the burde of loosing our oldest son easier with each passing day. It is minute by minute then hour by hour and eventually year by year. Praise God and God be with you. your fellow traveler
Kelli…. wow…. I hope every one reads this…..
I am amazed by you & I love that you are sharing.
<3
Hi Kelli
I work with your Mom, I read your blog daily. I heard this song on the radio the other morning going to work and thought of you. It is from “Pink”.
Sherry
“Beam Me Up”
There’s a whole ‘nother conversation going on
In a parallel universe.
Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts.
There’s a waltz playing frozen in time
Blades of grass on tiny bare feet
I look at you and you’re looking at me.
Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
I’d probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I’m tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minute’s enough,
Just beam me up.
Some black birds soaring in the sky,
Barely a breath I caught one last sight
Tell me that was you, saying goodbye,
There are times I feel the shiver and cold,
It only happens when I’m on my own,
That’s how you tell me, I’m not alone
Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
I’d probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I’m tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minute’s enough,
Just beam me up.
In my head, I see your baby blues
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there’s
One of me, with you
So when I need you can I send you a sign
I’ll burn a candle and turn off the lights
I’ll pick a star and watch you shine
Just beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
I’d probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I’m tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minute’s enough,
Beam me up
Beam me up
Beam me up
Could you beam me up.
Kelli- I heard about your blog from Julie K. I cannot read them without tears streaming down my face. I can’t begin to imagine the pain you are going through. Your blog has taught me to not take advantage of life and to hug my babies a little tighter each night. You never know when it will be the last hug. You are such a strong woman. I admire your faith and ability to forgive. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Many will be blessed by reading your blog, and strengthened by the words God gives you every day. I know I have been. God is using you and Skylar to reach many. I have no doubt, MANY lives will be changed, not just now, but years to come. God Bless you, Kelli
Kelli,
I thought of you this morning when I heard this song and then I saw your blog posting and thought it was crazy how it matched up. Your blog is truly an inspiration and beauitful to so many. God Bless you all sister. You all are still in my heart and prayers daily.
Matthew West – Forgiveness
It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve
It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just to real
It takes everything you have just to say the word…
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always anger’s own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying ‘Set It Free’
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
<3
I love this…..
Beautifully written, Kelli. From the very beginning, you have walked this nightmare with class and dignity.
Kelli, so beautifully written! I love you and am so proud you are my daughter.
Thank you for writing this blog