I’ve sat down a few times within the last few days to write in my blog and I just couldn’t find the words. I had a pretty rough weekend with my sadness and pain, it’s strange how there are moments of peace, and life seems “ok” if only for a moment or 2, but then without warning the walls crash in. It’s so very exhausting.
This afternoon we held a celebration at the cemetery for our 3 angels. I looked around as our friends and family gathered to remember our beautiful girls and the feelings inside me were of sadness and love. Love for those that took time from their day to share time with us to honor our girls and sadness that any of us had to be there at all. I know I keep saying this over and over again, but this loss is so great that it still feels so unreal. I didn’t just bury my beautiful daughter that day but also 2 other beautiful girls that I love and miss so very much. I looked around at their peers and my heart broke for them, just seeing the tears in their eyes and the pain on their faces. I am struggling to deal with this pain and I’m an adult who has learned over the years to trust God and to have faith in a higher purpose. However, how are these teenagers suppose to know how to deal with the loss of their 3 friends? I want nothing more than to save them from this pain they are experiencing. I know first hand just how debilitating it can be and I don’t want that for any of them.
I’ve also thought a lot the past several weeks of how I will never be able to fully relax ever again. I still have 3 children that hold my heart in their hands and I worry continually about them. I pray to God that he does not trust me with any more tragedies for a very long time. I know that he will not give me more than I can handle and I beg of him, please let this be it!
Christmas should be a joyous time of year for all of us; without the birth of Christ what hope would any of us have? Without his birth I would not be able to sit here tonight and have faith that my Sky-bird is in the arms of Jesus and celebrating like none of us can even imagine. The earthly mother in me is writhing in pain with the reality that Sky will physically not be by our sides this year, but the believer in me knows she is going to have a better Christmas than any of us.
I still fear that my precious baby will be forgotten and that the impact of this tragedy will fade… I pray that each of you think of my Sky (and Juls and Soph) each day, if for no other reason than to thank God for your own time on this earth and for your time with those that you love. Because as we have all learned from this loss, it can end in a second and without warning.
I thank God that I have him to lean on in this time of despair, for without him I would surely fall.
I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy, healthy New Year. Please continue to pray for our family and friends and remember to live each of your days like they are your last.
“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”
Merry Christmas Skylar, Sophie and Julianna. I love and miss you every second of every day……..