I hate that I know the number of days without my precious Sky….72 and counting. The last week has been different, almost numbing. I have felt a  great sense of peace over me but at the same time I feel numb inside and as if there is a dam ready to break.

The officer that came to my door the night that Skylar died, showed up this weekend to discuss a few loose ends, seeing him at my door, without knowing he was coming, unearthed some feelings that I have been trying to suppress the last several weeks. I guess this is all part of the “moving forward part….”

I had an overwhelming feeling this morning that “time waits for no one”….we all know this…but today I just wanted to stop everything and allow myself some precious time to grieve and be sad and just remember my Sky-bird…..instead I felt time pushing me through, forcing me to start my day and move forward. Maybe this is a blessing……

I’ve felt very, very sad the last several days thinking how sad Skylar would be if she had known her life on this earth would be so darn short. I look at pictures of her and see that huge smile of hers and her goofy personality and I know her soft heart….knowing she would be so sad to leave her family and friends. I know that is irrelevant now…but having an earthly mind, it is had to imagine her not missing me….and all of her loved ones.

I’m still trying to figure out this grief thing, wow does it sneak up on you just when you think you have a handle on everything! I live with this aching in my soul from missing Skylar so darn much, but I know I have to get up and keep moving. Keep on keepin’ on……it’s what my 3 kids need and what Skylar would want.

I’ve seen so many lives changed in the last 72 days, it is truly amazing. These 3 beautiful girls left incredible marks on the lives of every one they touched and even those they didn’t. I am so happy and grateful for that…..I just wish it didn’t take a tragedy such as this for people to realize the importance of love, friends, life, faith, and God.

I read a verse the other day that hit me pretty hard: “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you” Isaiah 66:13.   11 simple words that mean so much.  I know the ends of the earth that I would go to for my children; knowing God’s comforting arms are around me gives me hope. Hope in a better day.

“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

I love you more Skylar Lynn………


1 thought on “Hope

  1. I don’t know if you saw my post on Facebook the other day, but I shared a video that I watched over and over because somehow it helped me get through a dark time in my life that I felt was unbearable. Still to this day i watch it from time to time to remind me of where I was. You can search YouTube “Through the Fire, the Crabb Family, Jason Crabb and the song will come up. I hope you enjoy it. There are several videos of it. I especially like the one with the Brooklyn Tabernacle Chior.

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